life..

Aur phir khud se zara milna

2011-09-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Peron mein ladkhadahat,armano mein kami si hi..

Vichlit mann tha,ankhen kuch soch mein rami sit hi..

Hawao mein yun zulfon ka bikharna,

Sooraj ki roshni mein palkon ka yun bar bar jhapakna..

Wo milna mera kuch ajnabiyon se yun ki..

Garmi aur ghabrahat se mere gale ka sookhna..

Sabki muskurahat ko dekhkar,

Khud ko bhi mehfil mein shamil karna..

Zabardasti ka hasna, aur akele mein azaad mahsoos karna..

Yun waqt ane per ek ajib si himmat ikatthi karna,

Aur phir ghar akar tasalli se letna..

Apne khokhlepan se bahar nikalna,

Aur phir khud se zara milna..

Mood Swings!!

2011-09-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

I was smiling for no good reason..
wow! What a beautiful season..

The weather is nice..
all sweets no spice..

A smooth life of my own..
the thoughts how we have been grown..

The wonderful memories and missing those pals
a get together with you guys and gals..

And chit chat on mobile and net..
my exciting tone as if all life is set..

These mood swings..haah..i was smiling since morning..
suddenly something and it seems a bad ending.. (for the day)

I am feeling emotional and empty inside..
wish you were here with me this while..

and don’t say anything I may cry
for you would never know and ask me why

see.. the pearls rolling with precision..
and I am crying for no good reason..

Music- A part of me!

2011-06-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

Music is such a beautiful thing. I am surprised at myself that why it took me so much long to express myself on such a thing which have played a major role for me. I have been listening to my mom’s voice ..those old beautiful lyrics all these days. And now when I repeat those numbers.. she gives me a look which says “how come you know these old time songs!” and then I remind of her own sweet voice which I have been listening to all these years..

Not a trained singer, but I managed to be a part of a song group during my school.Those practice sessions and an amazing calmness on my teacher’s face brought me all the more closer to music. We practices easy alaaps , variations. Those patriotic songs prepared specially to perform in interschool competitions are still the part of my memory.

Songs are intangible but when they get connected to a person or situation – they add all the more tangibility. They undoubtedly play a major role in transforming my mood. There have been phases in life which were a little more challenging, little more demanding, tensed situations where all I needed was hope, situations filled with romance, expression of love and celebration of friendship –Music was always there.

Music therapy is becoming popular. Music does have an effect.

I still cannot forget the time when the song “ye honsla kese rahe.. “ gave me required hope to move on.. the song “chak de “ helped me MBA Entrance preparation! “Yaron dosti” reminded of my closest friends and the friendship we share, “what goes around comes back all around” gave me the strength in my relations , “hame tumse pyaar kitna” brought this special smile , and the songs “here without you baby” , “kyon hawa aaj yun..” , “kabhi alvida na kahna” reminds me of some special people .. “In the end” brings back all the energy and reassurance, “ankhon ke sagar” takes me close to my emotions, “dil toh baccha hai ji” takes me to the world of salsa and ball dance! “d.dd..dilli dilli” helped me in daily travelling from here and there , “zoobi doobi” reminds me of my college girls gang , “ye kaali kaali ankhen” takes me years back in a dance class where I could not dance this fast so I prepared on “payaliya..ho..ho..” “sayoni” takes me directly to my manali trip from college , “hotel califronia” , “18-till I die” , the beautiful ghazals..
The list is endless. And this time seriously it is! Personally I like the people who love music, because somewhere they are nice in their hearts.

Music has given me strength. Besides, it has given me an imagination. It is just so impossible to survive without music. There has to be something which can keep you lost in yourself!

yo man!

2011-05-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

This is certainly going to be somewhat a feminist piece of writing. It has been my destiny that I am interacting with considerably more number of males than females. Sometimes I even ponder over it! Anyway, this is something very peculiar about man that I have been noticing; the more you began to feel comfortable interacting with them, the more they try to bring you in the uncomfortable zone. I really cannot comment, if they do it intentionally or unconsciously!

There are many such instances going up in my mind right now. Bringing a girl into an uncomfortable zone here means talking about the three letter word directly or indirectly. In a local language, we call it “chance marna”. I do not know, if the zone I am referring to is uncomfortable for every girl or not, but certainly for many, it is. Just to make it clear, I am also not commenting on what is wrong or what is right – because, it is just the matter of perception and I am here just penning down my thoughts.

Many guys that I have interacted with have brought it down to s** either directly or indirectly. The ways have been messages, group talks intentionally done for you, commenting on a picture and then asking your opinion, sharing their life! This is done probably to expect a positive reaction from you and get a comfort signal to take the things forward.

But it makes me all the more uncomfortable to talk, at least for the few next times. Because now I can very well know where this guy is heading to, and I certainly do not know the way to avoid it.

There is a problem with my mindset too, or rather I should call it a recent change (though not so recent- because many known buddies have pointed this in me) in me, that I do not say “NO” straightaway until I get too sick of something. It was not the same always. A direct “NO” probably turns my image into “immature”, “not grown up”, “hypocrite!” which I feel confidently, is not the case!

I am definitely okay discussing out any serious required issue. Or, obviously if the guy is close enough.

I also feel that girls have got an amazing intuitive power to find what exactly is going on in a guy’s mind (though majority of the times, they do not go by intuition but their crazy emotions!). And if I don’t say a direct NO , I end up creating a fuel inside me and finally burst out.
I wonder if God created us that way. Man and women war is always on! I hate men! (It was supposed to be a feminist post!) – But I love them too, of course not for the reasons I mentioned.

checking you out!

2011-04-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

I hate testing! I hate it when people around me try to test me for my reactions, replies and facial expressions. The thing worsens when these people are my own friends. As they are my friends, it becomes easy for me to identify such cases. In such a case, I usually ask them directly and usually they confess. The objective is not to make them confess but to make them understand that, questioning or testing me is like questioning the friendship we share.

There have been times when people have provoked me to see my anger. Sometime they have switched off their cell phones to find if I care. And of course they have confessed it.

I still do not like it. But people do it.

With time I have realized it is so very natural. People do it naturally. There exists insecurity in them. They fear something. These days I am going through the same phase. Too much dependence on others is bad for many reasons. And I am dependent. It is far better scenario when someone depends on you, or put trust in you. You probably feel like a king! But when it is other way round, you feel helpless. I like good people (my friends, family, someone who makes me smile) to be around me. This has become a habit. And this habit is turning out to be an addiction. I used the term “addiction” because trying to come out of it is pathetic – the withdrawal symptom.

This phase is bad. I have entered into testing and questioning others. I hated it if someone does it to me. But now I do the same. I have realised that, there are people in my life whom I depend on badly but probably my absence do not even bother them.

There has been college days, when I intentionally walked slow to find if someone turns back to see if I am also coming. Such a small test, when repeated for several days gave me an almost accurate (I cannot quantify it to call it 100% true result) result. The people who always turned back are the people who still value me. I do not know if that sounds childish, but yes we do behave in a stupid way naturally whenever situation demands or rather, when our heart is in crisis!

There has been time when I used to call people regularly (not everyone), because I love hearing from them. But then someday suddenly realising that it is just me who is always doing the honour make things look dusty. In such a case, my heart demands an exam again! Immediately it orders me to cut down all my calls or any way to communicate. It certainly bothers me (as I am the dependent variable in this equation), but what affect it will have on the other person is the main thing. Resisting myself from calling is difficult (I am addicted!) but the results may bring out some level of satisfaction.

I have received no major positive results from the above test (the independent variable hardly bothers!), but to conclude a negative result is more hurting for me. So I am just trying to extend the time duration – in the hope that performance might get improved. But let us see.

One should not test his/her friends! I do it because I am addicted (or rather INSECURE! ) :) :)

Marketing - Its So Very Human!

2011-03-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

I chose marketing not because I was inclined towards the four P’s, but because I found this subject somewhat more practical than others.

Probably the strong faculty in marketing also influenced me in making this career decision. And I have never regretted this decision. My theoretical knowledge in the classroom teaching made me observe so many things in a better way. Probably “structured way” is an apt phase.

I started connecting marketing with almost everything.

When a child is born, the event is a kind of “NEW PRODUCT LAUNCH”- a NEW PRODUCT, who is to be named. Someone who will create a different brand value altogether.

Either he will be known because of the “PARENT BRAND” or he will create his own identity and his own sub-brand. In course of time, he will interact with different people- may be the “clients, users or the competitors”.

With his actions he will be “POSITIONED” in the mind of others. Whether the marketing message he is giving, is consistent or not, would depend of types of personality he is portraying. An inconsistent message would create a “dilemma” in the decision of buyers – colleagues, friends, TRADE PARTNERS- Juniors, neighbours, bosses; sometimes even the suppliers – parents and siblings.

Now the so called “child”, who has reasonably grown will not like to be associated with cheaper brands because that can “DILUTE” his “BRAND VALUE”.

While reaching to the peak, he will suddenly add to his ego, attitude and rude behaviour – such a sudden increase in his “PRICE” value will affect his buyers in a negative way.

There will be a sudden fall in the number of well wishers. Some will switch to other brands – the people who can provide better benefits. Some will stay forever – The family, best of friends – The set of “LOYAL CUSTOMERS”.

The so called “child”, who is no more a child is tested and tried by a number of people in his life – “THE PRODUCT LIFE CYCLE”.

In a competitive world like this, where everyone is fighting to make a brand out of him; “HE” tries to find a feature that can help him “DIFFRENTIATE" and provide a “COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE”. He starts focussing on his “CORE COMPETENCY”.

He promotes himself through “PACKAGING” – following the latest fashion trends. He “CUSTOMIZE” himself according to the customer’s demand – May be he wants to get into IT industry, so he learns C++ and JAVA!

Then sometime in life, he reaches to the stage of “MATURITY” – he becomes more or less stable now. He starts focussing on the “TARGET AUDIENCE”.

The only thing he focuses upon is “RETAINING CUSTOMERS”. The customers who still make him feel important and worth something – The respect, recognition, care etc.

Then comes the “FINAL STAGE” of product life cycle. At this stage, “new spectacles” is the only investment a company can make for the dying product. The other expenses also happen – on medicines, treatment etc. According to the BCG matrix – it brings the product to the quadrant named “DOG”.

Will he ever die or live forever, is up to him. It depends on the “FORMULATION” of the “STRATEGIC PLAN”, the way of “IMPLEMENTATION, “MONITORING” and “CONTROL”.

A special day has hardly made her days special..

2011-03-08T01:18:00.000-08:00

“What do you want to become in your next life?” – The question which we all must have answered. Ask a woman, if she still wishes to be a woman in her next life and the reaction would be a considerable amount of pondering and then probably a NO! Ask a man, and he proudly says “Yes! A man again”. A time pass question which has so much to say.

No specific day for a man – they have all the days with them unlike woman with just one day!

It is still a male dominated society; however the metro cities have shown a major change. Women are becoming powerful by expressing themselves more but societal mentality is still a problem.

Ask an urban woman, if she wants to visit her grandmother who resides in a village. A strange worry can easily be seen on her forehead. You have to change it all – those fully covered dresses; preferably suits, staying at home all the time, hesitation in picking up a male friend’s phone, talking nice and so on.

Our society is designed in such a way, that not just man but even the ladies of old times have contributed so much in suppressing the position of women.

“Feminism” exists but more of it is still required. There are so many things written on women.

People read on to them, sympathize and move on the very same way. Let me not make it just another writing piece mentioning women’s sacrifices, her deep love, her contributions to the society, and what she gets in return – the female infanticide, dowry murders, forced sex, eve-teasing, domestic violence and so on. These things are so much common that the women have started taking the things as normal. Nobody wants to fight or question a man and the society. I wish to see a world where a man is turned into woman to understand what she goes throughout her life.

Sometime back, someone asked me the same question – “what I want to be in my next life – a man or a woman”. Without much thinking I answered “man”; not because I am not proud to be a woman but I want to know a man’s mind, his hard heart, how eve-teasing can give him pleasure, does he turn robot when he force a lady for sex, doesn’t his heart cry when his wife is tortured for money, does he feel proud with the amount of dowry he gets, what fun does it give to cheat on to his girl, and of course I want to understand that damn Man’s Ego.

Women’s day – 8th march

She smiles when somebody wishes her. She smiles when she gets a gift on the day. Sometime a man decides to cook for her this special day to give her respect and thank for the things she does for him and the family. She might get a beautiful dress. Go out on this day, and just see how the malls and brands make the day so very obvious. I wish the things done on this special day become a usual affair. Respect throughout her life.

Though the celebrations on the particular day at least makes the things noticed. It would be a great time when the day will be celebrated even in the remotest of areas. I am taking it as a positive start. But this start should achieve a right finish too.

For all the companies making the best use of the day – lets make it happen all over the places, not just for marketing your own product but changing the positioning of women among the target audience called man and the society – because you have the resources to make it happen.

Still incomplete..

2011-03-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

No matter how close we are to each other, there always exist some hidden truths which we never want to share.

We are rational beings. We carry opinions about situations and people around. How true we are to someone on face is somewhat linked to the position we have in someone’s mind.

Are we friends to be honest enough? Or do we enjoy a respectable (or authoritative) position of a boss to carry out honest opinions. It is a world of “maintaining good customer relationships” and each one of us is a prospect customer. We tend to smile even if we hate the person badly! Smiling is no more a depiction of happiness. But sometimes it says, “Shut up and go!”

The training given to an airhostess for treating all the guests nicely has become an inborn talent in people. We are good on face and hard on back!

Luckily, words like “friendship” still exist; though the meaning remains diverse depending on the situations. We are friends till it is a “placement season”. We are friends till we get to know an extra question in an exam. We are opinionated human beings. We form impressions of everyone who passes by. We are not gutsy enough to make the comments on face but we enjoy things better if we talk behind backs.

Any day turns great when we get to hear a compliment. “Awesome”, the word is becoming too powerful to turn you “awesome” in an awesome way! While a comment, not so good, turns us off and makes us conscious enough.

We have turned so fake that we start believing our own lies. And we have turned so busy that we don’t get the time to bring out the trueness of our heart and mind.

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the father of psychoanalysis, gave the theory of “Id, ego and superego”. The “Id” is driven by “pleasure principle”. If we would be governed by our “Id”, we will satisfy are needs and wants in all the ways possible. And this sort of behaviour could be both disruptive and socially inacceptable. The “superego” on the other hand keeps a check on our moral standards and ideals which we acquire from our parents and society. “Ego” is responsible to deal with reality in a socially acceptable way.

This reminds me of an example given by my Psychology teacher, “sex” is an Id, while “marriage” is a way of expressing this Id in socially acceptable way. We carry hard truths and secrets inside us. But we are different to others.

The day dreams and the unconscious dreams during sleep bring us closer to ourselves. We face an interview and we try to alter ourselves in the best possible way. We twist our answers in such a way that it fits in to interviewer’s perspective. And then “luck” is the answer for almost all the rejections!

Our family background and the past relationships never leave us. But we hide them, because we fear reactions which can bring us down in an embarrassing way. We like someone and we don’t come open about it because we don’t want to deal with “image issues”. “I don’t care” attitude comes late in life when we acquire a status that no one can question. We love wearing “red” shoes but it makes a girl, super girlish and a guy a gay!

Though the young generation pretends to be much advance and cool, it is also governed by peer pressure. We pretend to be rich even if we don’t have much to spend. But image demands it all. India, besides its advancement as an economy is also getting a feel of western culture.

Expression of love and liking is now accepted by many more people. ‘Loving friendly hugs’ in public are becoming common. But then there still exist a major class of people which does not understand its relevance. We carry so many emotions with us but we fear expressing them. We smile at the person we don’t like and we do not look into the eyes of the person we like.

Honesty has become a relative term. It is something which people modulate in their own way. “I am having an affair-the whole world knows it except my parents!” The statement makes the person honest to the world but untruthful to the parents. We don’t speak truth because we believe that people won’t accept it. We either wait for the right time or we just keep it to ourselves.

Too much of alcohol is injurious to health. But it is been considered a good way to socialize. It makes us comfortable and helps us in bringing out the little things which we would never reveal when fully conscious. We need someone to share things.

But there are things, people just can’t listen too. Psychologists, the meditational camps are in good business today. They help people to connect with themselves, so that they take time out to understand their inner self. There are ugly truths which can make us criminal in a friend’s eye. So better keep it to yourself. Confessions are difficult to make. Somewhere I read “to forgive is human, but to ask for forgiveness is divine”. I am not referring to little word ‘sorry’ which we regularly say for our repeated mistakes. But the deep confessions which we make that can badly ruin our self respect, ego and pride.

Most of the times, we are not courageous enough to confess.

Stardom is in. Youth dreams of dressing up in a fashionable way. But only few can live it their way. The society takes it all. I have a problem with male dominant society. The things are changing for sure but the pace is too slow.

We have so much inside.. that a post can never present it all..

still incomplete..

TAKEN FOR GRANTED – A NORMAL SELFISH THING!

2011-02-02T09:15:00.000-08:00

I met so many people in life...a few became friends..a few stayed for long and a few just went away..

It is often said that in a marriage, only a first few years are interesting and then it becomes something to be taken for granted. I feel, it is true for every relationship we enter into. Even the friendship.. though the attachment stays for long but the patience to handle the tantrums, to understand an impulsive wish and to bear the bad mood soon declines.

It happens with all of us. When we enter into it, we are given special treatment. We often get, what we demand for, the food of our choice, the place we wish to visit etc..

The fact, that girls enjoy this even more, cannot be denied. And we do the same.

If we like someone or say a new entrant, we tend to give him/her additional importance, particularly in the beginning but then its all the same. It is very effortless to notice and compare the attention we were given in the start of it and after few days! The resulting feel is bad. Though this happens over and over again in our life.. but still every time we want to believe that the things would not change.

The whole thing suddenly reminds me of a marketing concept of skimming prices!! The concept says, raise the prices on the launch of a product and make the maximum profit out of it and then reduce it later when the expected profit is extracted..! The product is shown its value.. and focus shifts on a new launch..

How different are we..

2011-01-06T03:43:00.000-08:00

Though this post is not about DNA but a little understanding of these fundas would make the things simpler.

DNA, is a nucleic acid that contains the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms. The main role of DNA molecules is the long-term storage of information, the Genetic information.

The DNA double helix is stabilized by hydrogen bonds between the bases attached to the two strands. The four bases found in DNA are adenine (abbreviated A), cytosine (C), guanine (G) and thymine (T).

Each type of base on one strand forms a bond with just one type of base on the other strand. This is called complementary base pairing. Here, purines form hydrogen bonds to pyrimidines, with A bonding only to T, and C bonding only to G.

And here i begin, The current research says that 99.9% of the DNA in all the humans is similar all over the earth and the difference is only for 0.1%. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/1416706/DNA-survey-finds-all-humans-are-99.9pc-the-same.html)

The whole thing makes me feel a little amused about the fact that not only every human is different in the physical looks and dimensions but also everyone has got significant qualities and attributes that clearly distinguishes one from the other. I have this habit of observing people’s behaviour and their reactions and then predict the things in future (not always the correct ones..!) I have observed so many differences existing between the people, and it seems that they are highly different!

See for yourself, how many you found similar for that matter!! That tiny 0.1% creates uncountable different personalities (obviously, the environmental factors also play the role). When we enter in an organization, its highly noticeable that people, a little similar in behaviour, tends to form groups but of course they are also too diverse in nature and behaviour.

This is about few types i met..

1. A girl who always wanted to be in limelight even if it meant taking credit for others work and publicizing it in her own way!

2. A guy who just couldn’t say NO to an answer even if it meant expressing wrong answer (and of course diluting his credibility in future)

3. A guy who just couldn’t be made understood that sometimes its damn necessary to express things!

4. A girl who always wanted to gain sympathy for every trivial issue happening in her world (some people just can’t stop grinning over the small issues!)

5. A guy who always believed in judging people at one go (obviously wrong..Most of the time.!)

6. A guy who always wanted to earn respect despite being disrespectful to others! (we all can predict the consequences!)

7. A girl always looking out for perfection in others instead of working it on herself!

8. A guy too stubborn to achieve smallest things (not even smallest) in the world..!

9. A guy too governed by the group thing that he loses himself again and again!

10. A guy too jealous of the other guys!

And many others..! (SORRY i am unable to recall some GOOD EXCLUSIVITY..though I am refreshing memory to add more examples..) People are crazy around, they wear masks. It becomes highly difficult to find the real them.

If that simple pairing between A-T and C-T can bring out the real big dissimilarities then..Hats off to science and its wonders!! Leave others, but i couldn't find anyone even 1 percent similar to me..!

And i guess same will be the case with YOU! Lines such as "wow..! we all are just the same and so we does enjoy together" but inside we know..we are UNIQUE and EXCEPTIONALLY DIFFERENT! :)

With this post, I also take this opportunity to add a message:

“Every year you take the resolution to change yourself, BUT this year, take the resolution to be yourself...”

And i met her again today..

2010-08-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

I met her first when she was in 5th standard..completely happy and satisfied with her little friends and those kidu games..her lovely teachers and loving family..

I met her again when she changed her school,went to a different city and missed her old friends badly.. She adjusted,made new friends and kept this hope that she'll meet those golden friends again (she recently got in touch with one.. :) ) Now she was in a better place,a nice school..

and

I met her again.. she started loving the new city and the different people around..and her home where lived her caring mom,waiting for her..her dad,ever loving and the dearu brother.. The years passed,now she was a big girl..

and I met her again.. This was the time when she realised that people take her as sweet, friendly,loving,always helping and ofcourse the good student..! she was in 10th then..

Great marks..new wings and a NEW SHE.. A little more mature,a little more lively..a little more smart and a little more understanding.. This was the time which brought twist in her life..a little more friends,friends forever..different flavour of love..Her life was a little more different now..a little more fun..a little less studies..a little more diversion..

School life never returns..now she was in college..and I met her again.. she was different..sometimes totally dumb,sometimes totally smart..sometimes overactive and sometimes superlazy..! She added a new friend-MOBILE!

Now she started experiencing two extremes of mood. Also the stupid feelings entered her mind..Jealousy,Possessiveness,unneccessary worries and the feeling of guilt! But this was the total fun time for her..too many bunks and too many different places to visit..never ending walks and totally tires she.. She faced responsibilities and challenges.

A few more friends..friends forever.. She was a graduate now..And i met her again. She was unclear about her goals in life..her future and she was a little scared of the coming years. With guidance,support,her own will..she is in a proffessional course now(simply..a college again..pg level!!)

It was diificult for her in initial days..but now when she has completed her one year..

I MET HER AGAIN TODAY.. She now knows alot of people around. She is living her life in a better way;with a little less restrictions and a little more freedom. She likes lot of people around.

She is more confident and a little more practical. Her goals are more clear now. She is a little more positive,a little more forgiving,a little more resposible But a little more busy.. BUT YES,she is stll experiencing those extreme mood swings..

I will meet her again..and find her status..the time will be tough ahead.. lets see,if she makes it the way she wants... :)

These days...

2010-05-28T20:25:00.000-07:00

Its been long since i have written any post..lots of things are happening continuously and most of them can be called "happening"!!.

The major ones include the end of my MBA 1st year turning me into a half MBA..the scary viva which caused my skin to swell..!

the training..and a little hope for PPO..!!

The first year in JBS was good,with the first trimester tough to handle and the next two super light and comfortable..the decent CGPA and wonderful people around..those uncontrollable laughs and those encouraging lectures..sleepy classes and attendence worries.. those continuous complains about administration and never implemented movie plans..!! The shipra..the fest..the farewell..the friends..

And the super scary viva at the year end which was nothing more than the test of patience due long waits as if teachers got the chance for ragging each one of us legally..(though they always have it..!!) but somehow eachone of us managed it without much hassels..and that RUN for the movie to GIP(a reason to wear different outfits otherthan our UNIFORM!!) after this terrible viva session..

CONFIRMATION for TRAINING and the joining from next day excited me..(specially after seeing ROCKET SINGH a day before)

I was expecting no special attention from our bosses..(bosses..sounds..huhh..!!) but daily reporting and sudden calls "kahan ho" made me feel good and not neglected..!!

The SO Caring "they" untill i realized that it is just the way to get your work done..and i had now entered the world of proffesionalism..where everyone expects too much from you as an MBA..Its a totally practical world where people work as machines with a little emotions(for those who are new..!!)

-I realized nothing is more important than your given Target. -There is no value of time specially when you are trainee. -10 mins are never less than an hour. -If you are not able to perform,you are thretened to be thrown(happened with me..!!) this made me realize..what the pressure is and i entered depressing mode almost for a week..!! and my smile almost faded..its still not in place..!!

-I realized its hard to get people working for you untill you have the authority. -"INSAAN KI ZUBAAN HI SAB KUCH HOTI HAI" IS Useless here..where words have no value..tomorrow means tomorrow that never comes.

-Resoning and explanations are of no importance,only the result matters.

-It becomes really really difficult to trust the people around..every word you say can become an issue so just takecare..and speak with no names involved.

-I have learnt,how to meet and talk to managers(CLIENTS!!).

-I have improved my convincing skills..(BUT FOR THIS FIRST YOU NEED TO CONVINCE YOURSELF).

-I have learnt,if you are from a big company,you are respected.(atleast before you..!)

-I have learnt,people hardly says NO..instead they ignore you..miss you calls..or just go out of town for an undefined period (hahh)!!

-I have learnt..carrying CONFIDENCE is the foremost thing.

-I have learnt sometimes,you start lying not out of choice but by chance (may the fear of the one above you)..BUT THIS CAN BE AVOIDED..if you realize it at the right time.

-I have learnt its no more a difficult thing to travel in buses for 4-5 hours to a new place.

-I have learnt,if you are in the marketing and in field..WEAR SHOES..to run..to keep yourself safe..and walk fast..COVER YOUR FACE..otherwise sun will burn you and people will think,you were always the same..!!

-I have learnt, sometimes you need to go with strangers and put your trust..!!BUT JUST TAKE CARE..!!

I have learnt,it doesnt take a birthday to make you a year older but the stress you feel inside..

NOTHING CAN HARM YOU IF YOU ARE HONEST TO YOURSELF..TO OTHERS..THE FEAR VANISHES.. :))

marketing is not about lying and selling..its about maintaining relationships and first believing in your own peroduct..!!

its not about making false promises but conveying an approximation,if not exact,atleast close.

its not about making others wait for so long..but informing them the right time.

its not about cutting the calls or ignoring them but guts to say no but in a right way.

its about meeing new people and leaving a positive image.

its about connecting with the world.

TRAINING WAS A WONDERFUL EXPERINCE..it gave me a feel of an employee!! and I have started loving my college more..where i am protected, safe with lots of friends around me.... NEED A BIG TIME BREAK........eeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

(feel like shouting hard..!!)

dasvidaniya..farewell to our senior batch..

2010-03-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

okay... this one is "on order".. so i dedicate it to the same person who asked me to write it.. mr.vaibhav jain.. my senior(..not in age..!!).

since i entered jbs..i made so many good friends.. but i always expected more interaction with seniors.. but somehow..it didnt happen... we never initiated..and they never initiated too.. but then came the time when..2-3 seniors started interacting with us(this is throygh my perspective..others might have interacted with other juniors).. and that was really good.. i would like to mention their names.. vaibhav sir,arunesh sir..and mukul sir.. seniors..as the word says..gives us some kind of security..and we surely need their advise.. T nP meetings.. gave me a sense of involvement in college activities..

16th march..2010..we gave the farewell..the experience was great.. the week was badly hectic.. and when the farewell happened..it gave us a sense of achievement because only few among us knew about the hardwork we did for this..the finance..the momento..the documentry..lots of applications..events..the risk of attendence..n on the top of that..the criticism and the taunts

(the best part..it makes me feel important :) vishakh,ribhu,eva,divya,smriti,shraddha,richa,sumant,sakshi,akansha,mayur..dil mein ho jazba toh sab kuch hai asaan.. i loved the "understanding" this team shared.. the support we gave to each other.. :) :) and thanks to all my batchmates( specially those who supported :P) and now senior batch is going..

vaibhav sir.. you gave us a great support.. the best thing in you is..you are approchable.. we dont have to think much before talking to you because you always give positive response.. your presence really make people comfortable around you.. and your honesty and quality to take initiatives really encourage me..

arunesh sir..the way you speak..your confidence.. its great.. i always thought that you are a serious guy..but interacting with you more made me realise..you are funny too..

mukul sir.. jaijinendra.. you have interacted too with lot of juniors..specially through net..and its really good chatting with you.. thanks to other seniors too.. for being there..attending the farewell.. hope you all do well in life.. :)

WE FEEL IT..RIGHT...??

2010-02-27T21:58:00.000-08:00

Feelings...something that can only be felt but can not be expressed completely through words.

Each moment of life adds something to our experience and thus adds to our emotions and feelings..

I,obviously can not put my feelings here and make you feel them but i am writing the instances which makes us FEEL..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you have something great to share and miss that happy dance with a friend..

when you are alone and lost in sad thoughts and you imagine your friend hugging you..

when your friend says,he is going abroad for few years..you are happy but want to go along..because you fear distance..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you are awake at night and all your friends have slept..and you really want to talk..

when you are appreaciated in public and you cant stop smiling..!

when your friend is sad and distant,and you really want to prove that you are with him..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you meet your old group and time runs so fast..

when you really search for some encouragement and motivation..and you dont get one..

when you really expect your loved one to trust you..and it becomes difficult..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you dont want to hear that small word "bye" and continue forever..

when you badly want to hug your friend sitting next to you,but your mind asks to restrict you without a logic!

when you friends touch your parent's feet and treat them as their parents..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you desire for importance and you are ignored..

when no one answers and your friend does it correctly making you proud..

when a stranger quickly becomes your friend..and you cant resist that friendship..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when someone questions your self respect and you still want to forgive and continue as before..

when someone desperately asks for your opinion,and when you give one..rejects it!

when someone unexpectedly give you so much of value and importance..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when lovedeone lies to you because you are not that understanding..

when you lie to your lovedone..because you think.he is not understanding..

when your friend stops talking to you and go away without saying a word..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you dont want to cry in front of someone but you unable to control your tears..

when your crying eyes are taken for granted..

when you miss someone badly..and you get his/her call...and you start believing in coincidences..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when your friend is ready to move the world just to make you smile and at the end you realise,he himself was sad and you didnt notice..

when you give someone blank call just to listen to his/her voice..

when you sit with your loved one and enjoy his company while still keeping quiet..

HOW DOES IT FELL..

when you get compliments for your specific features such as eyes,smile etc..

when you play with a little kid and forget your stress..

when your closed one is in pain..and you cant do anything..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when you really want to compliment someone but resist it just to avoid wrong signals..

when you find your childhood friend after long long years..

when someone betrays you and you find hundreds of reasons for not believing this..

HOW DOES IT FEEL..

when someone takes your genuine reasons as fake accuses..

when someone gifts you exactly what you wanted..

when someone keeps on blaming you and taunt you and you feel helpless..

AND YOUR FAMILY..when it gives you never ending unlimited support and trusts you blindly..

those feelings of jealousy and the feeling of falling in love..

and the ultimate feeling of fear of loosing someone...

THE FEELINGS MAY NEVER END...but this post needs to...

MY MEMORIES OF 2009! HAPPY NEW YEAR..

2009-12-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

Its 31st..9pm.. I had a good day..had a nice time with family. I got finished up with exams yesterday only,so i am relaxed too :) I have got a week off from college..its good to be home after exmas!! I am sitting with myself(main aur meri tanhayi ;) ),waiting for some friend's call. Lost in my thoughts.. The year is ending..2009.. Probably,i wont forget this year. Though every year brings something different but this brought some big changes..in me..for me..for the people close to me. PEOPLE SAY that there is no use remembering the past..BUT WHY NOT..when i have the time PLUS i can TEST MY MEMORY!! January started with competitions,XAT,FMS..(the only hopes left after CAT!) CAT result and that wait for the calls.. Then the big break after exams;no more quant,english or di! BUT the interview questions and GD topics, detailed news and articles, magazines and net..ooohh,i even started making notes of the news!!! Sometimes i still read those..THE SATYAM SCANDLE and THE CHANDRAYAN..shame and the pride. Then,went to Gwalior to my aunt's place,had fun with cousin :). Mum also got a week free to enjoy with her sister.. MELA n SHOPPING, SCOOTY n WINDS, MOVIE n FOOD.. PLUS the ADMISSION TENSION! ALREADY got rejections from many colleges..wanted to make it this year.. BUT.. I was back to home..found one call letter lying half through the door,as if it welcomed me.. i was more than happy and so much excited(though i wasnt able to convert that call but..that was a special moment).. more preparation was GDs n interview.. i was even preparing by phone..discussing things with friend(it was fun!) Then,get together with friends,their continuous support and encouragement..talks and chats.. AND THEN the difficult decision of shifting to ghaziabad(though we didnt think and planned before making that decision),but probabaly it was the best possible option left.. APRIL..AGRA TRIP(first time without teachers or parents!) with my closest friends(next time it would be with all my dearest friends! :) and my friend..first time some friend stayed at my place..lovly.. did lot of talks that day and night.. IT WAS AN AWESOME TRIP. and i got to know some new opinions anout myself..huh..! AFTER COMING BACK,faced two GDs and interviews.. THAT was a nice experience too, i was better than expected ;) Got selected in one..but there were more than two months for the college to start.. so thought of doing some job for a month or so.. CONSULTANCY,my first job interview.. i went just to have an experience,was least bothered for my selection..so that was fun too..AND the best part,my friend was there with me :) GOT SELECTED, 1 month of a job and just me and bro at home(mum had to shift :) making the breakfast,and daily having heavy dinner of naan and daal makhani,chole kulche and cheese (my bro was showing extra care and affection!!hehe..cute) MY FIRST SALARY and a few lies at work place..daily bus journey and handling the irritating crowd.. bought gifts for family and friends ( not for all..had limited amount!!) NOW,i was at ghaziabad,new home.. my cousin came for a few days,so didnt have any time to get bored..! then THE COLLEGE..SUMMER CLASSES,new people and interactions.. I realized, how common my face was(it reminded of some or the other person to many!) AND FINALLY COLLEGE STARTED..hectic schedule and new amazing friends,busy me..exams and results..tensions and FUN! A close friend's accident..God..! My birthday..a tough day, i dont know,what went wrong but it was beautiful too.. A few days ago,my sister came and we shared a lot of talks and secrets( which were piling up since 2 years).. AND NOW I AM DONE WITH TWO TRIMESTERS..watched "Three idiots"esterday(what an extra amazing or say ultimate way to end an year),I LOVED THIS MOVIE LIKE ANYTHING(i am not paid to promote it :( but watch it ASAP ) THERE WERE TOO MANY OTHER THINGS TOO..BUT THE BIG ONEs i mentioned... THIS YEAR TAUGHT ME ALOT,LOVED IT..HOPING THAT THERE ARE MORE ADVENTURES TO COME IN 2010.. I''L ENJOY THE EXCITING LIFE AHEAD.. Wishing you all a very Happy and adventurous new year.. :) have fun!!

NEW GIRL IN JBS..(MBA)..MY FIRST TRIMESTER..

2009-10-13T03:34:00.000-07:00

Recently i saw ‘wake up sid’..I was touched by the article ‘new girl in the city’.. the matter in the article holds true for me too which says, in a new place you can have happiness, success, your dreams can come true but you can never feel the true happiness untill you have someone to share things..a true companion.. I have recently shifted to Ghaziabad..it has been 4-5 months here but the place is still new to me..i still fear going out alone.. (but two of my friends made this place really comfortable for me..) I am doing MBA from jbs, noida and my first trimester is over. When i took admission, i was sure that I’ll get along with people and adjust really well..i had confidence in myself(may be because i always feel the support of my friends and family). Initially i had no clue that how i will commute from my place to college..i was learning car but could never gain confidence over it and i wanted to avoid bus in any case(because i experienced the bad crowd and long time taken by the bus..huh :( ). I was looking for the car pool as an option. I always wished to have hostel but..hm.. BUT now i dont want a hostel.. :) I got in touch with a guy from my college through orkut who, along with his friend was also interested in car pool but i continued my search so that i could get a girl carpool partner also!(it is really difficult to trust guys!! ISNT IT!!?). And i am happy that i didnt find any fourth person.. BECAUSE,in no time..We three turned friends.. And a journey began.. My new college, new people (though everything in same colour-BLUE!!),new work load , new books ;everything began pulling me towards itself. I got totally engrossed into the new life. I began to feel fast shifts in my mood and i started feeling a lot of emotions. I liked the faculty and students around. AND THE NEW PROJECTS AND DIFFERENT GROUPS..it gave a tough and different experience of working with people you like and dislike..(but as i believe,tough people always make it).. The more i started communicating with students around, more i felt differences in opinion. It was totally irritating to talk to few.. I found few people who were still immature to talk to..and few i found totally mature with no humour or cuteness left in them!! But as we say ‘we gel with the people of our type’, i got a few with the same chemistry as mine :) . Initially, i faced adjustment problems (probably most of the students faced it). Everyday i used to miss of lovely old gold friends who gave me so much of love, care and respect (because, obviously i was not feeling same here). I learned to carry an 'i dont care' attitude for those who didnt deserve my attention and time. I missed my friends like anything. I started valuing them even more. Days were passing, i started enjoying my class, studies, the funny teachers and the CAR(car time was the most relaxing time during classes and the high learning time during exams--waoo!!) I was left with no time for my family and loved ones.. i got complains but did'nt do much about it..!! i started feeling guilty for being selfish but still i was enjoying my college!! New courses (in jbs, subjects=courses!! God knows why!! But it sounds kewl!!),new assignments took my sleep away..i got all the dark circles..!!uff.. and on the top of that every next person(not exactly every next person!) started saying me..u look so depressed, sleepy, sick, unhappy..!!huh!!(it was tough to survive with continuous comments and no compliments!) And i was wondering what exactly happened..!! Slowly i took control over myself..Realized that work is not a burden but fun..and i have to get away with that sad guilty feeling as well.. And the good times were back..i began to smile again.. And yes not to forget to mention about the few people around who really impressed me with their honesty, truthfulness, always ready to help behaviour and human nature. I was totally weak in commerce subjects such as economics, stats and accounts..and students actually taught me these subjects...!! i mean in mba..there still exists the class of people who are totally helping and not selfish..(because they taught me even when i was not their friend!). I will be always grateful to them. one of the best part..My "ACHIEVERS" group..the girls team..lunch hour..saturdays's food..the breaking news of the class..humour and BONDING.. They all made my first trimester simple and tension free. And the combined study at home during exams(earlier i never did combined study at home-i just love it!),fast revision in the car, those phones and messages(350 messages over in2-3 days!!),those bunks and movies.. and SHIPRA :)) SPECIAL THANKS TO MY FRIENDS(school and college) AND FAMILY..WHO ALWAYS SUPPORT ME LIKE ANYTHING..LOVE YOU ALL..ALWAYS BE THERE WITH ME.. ;) First trimester was no doubt special..And never ever forgetting(as the first love!) Because i met few true companions to share mba(and the feelings attached) with..

WHEN WE HAVE A CRUSH..

2009-09-05T02:45:00.000-07:00

Feelings feelings and feelings.. Though we have entered in practical world,we can not get awy from our cute feelings. I called them cute because they are innocent,sweet,self driven! I mean, you can not just stop them.

This is about having "CRUSHES". Looking from a managerial perspective,there can be long term crushes and short term crushes!

I believe that at every point of life,we are attracted towards someone. Someone is always there in our heart. But this someone keeps on changing every now and then. If you like someone and you are in contact, there is no harm in expressing it..infact you should express it,share it but without expectations(its almost impossible to live without expectations). If the infatuation is from both the sides at the same time.. YOU ARE LUCKY..! But if this is one sided,its a bit painfull(more then a bit!!),but then, as i said, its a cute feeling.. just have a wonderful experience. Most of the people doesnot express their feelings,(probably they believe in distant crush relationship!)may be because they fear loosing a friend. BUT i guess, if you can express it one day and never show it again,( sounds totally impractical..!!but..try..)it feels good. Your friendship remains intact plus you seem to be honest enough because you confessed your feeling honestly. I STARTED THIS POST FOR SHARING THE FEELINGS ABOUT HAVING CRUSH ON A COMMITED PERSON..OR HAVING THE CRUSH WHEN YOU YORSELF ARE COMMITED..! When you get attracted towards a commited person,you find a COMPLETE BLOCKAGE..! There seems no hope..but still you try managing it..you keep your feeling inside you till you fall for someone else..! And how difficult it becomes when you want to be friends.. Huh..!! THEN COMES THE DIFFERENT SITUATION..when a commited person gets a strong crush on someone else..NOW WHAT!! At this point you dont want to be dishonest with your partner..and at other point, you want to spend all the time with your crush..! BUT i guess we have turned modern enough,that we find no harm spending time with our crushes,even partners are cool about it( atleast they try to pretend so..!).

They are probably confident for their love. WHAT FEARS ME IS THE SITUATION..when you are commited, (that means you are already on a safer side..!)you have a crush..you start spending time with you crush,be friends with that person..AND suddenly you realise..your crush too have statred liking you.. It becomes a mess!

It becomes difficult to escape from this situation!! You get back in your life leaving your crush(who is no more your crush,but now you are his/her crush). I do not know what kind of "END" this situation can have..but possibly we all go through such a situation.. ALL THE BEST..

NOTHING IS PLANNED,BUT STILL TRY TO AVOID THE MESS.. BUT ENJOY THOSE ""CUTE"" FEELINGS.

DO YOU DREAM..?

2009-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

DO YOU DREAM?I DO.

Day dreaming is so nice. You can dream of everything you want. You can just get into the different world. You can dream of yourself at any place,with anyone. You can dream of doing anything you ever wanted. It feels so good to be alone for a moment and spend time with yourself and just feel free,and fly away in the world of dreams..

I love talking..and there are many people i really love to communicate with..but i know its not possible,so i dream of talking to them. I don't know how it starts but i just get lost in that dream talk. And then i just wish it to be all true.!
I dream of talking to guys i really like. And it becomes a lovely story.
I dream that some old friends have suddenly appeared in front of me..!
Sometimes i dream,my old friends are coming with posters and hoardings to look for me.
I dream of earning money and buy things..
I dream of coming running to my parents with a happy face and shout.."i have got,what i wanted" or anything like that.
I dream of dancing as if no one is looking or judging me..on tha roads..on the roof..
I just love getting lost in the songs..i love imagining myself in the songs..
I dream of convincing people with everything which is in my mind..
I love to dream about solving problems of the people whom i know are suffering because of something..
When i am sad, i dream of my parents and friends holding my hand and taking me away from that sad environment..
I dream of walking alone or go somewhere away from everyone and everything..
I love to dream that i am pretty and everyone is noticing me..
I dream of doing break dance and salsa..!!
I dream of doing "puppet dance " and acting..
I dream of singing in a big big auditorium full of people..
I dream of being an anchor and crack jokes on mike..!
I dream lof abusing person who did something unethical acoording to me..
I dream of wearing cute clothes which i cant wear in reality..
I love to dream that people are fond of me..and miss me when i am not around..
I dream of my face looking cute when i am sleeping..
I dream of making my nani really smart and independent again..
I dream of making my parents the happiest people in the world..
I dream of teaching kids who have turned beggars..
I dream of getting higher and higher in life..
I dream of being truthful and honest all my life and check the consequences..!!
I dream of talking to the god directly who can guide me to the way ahead.
AND so many other things..
WHAT YOU DREAM..??

my first gdpi..

2009-02-28T00:56:00.001-08:00

I went for my group discussion and personal interview. It was my first experience of the same. I was confident till the last evening but since night could feel the butterflies in my stomach.
We gad to reach the college early in the morning, which meant, i should sleep early and wake up early.
But whole night, I could not sleep properly. I was getting up every next hour and looking at the time..!
Finally the time came when I had to get ready.
My parents accompanied me. We took the auto and at a particular place, waited for the college bus. This bus had to take us to the respective college.
I bought a newspaper at the bus stop so that i could check the headlines.( i was advised to do so..)
Finally the bus started. I didn’t want to eat anything but than i had tea and ate my breakfast in bus just because i wanted to sound louder in gd.
We reached the college and we were asked to sign an attendance page. I could not find my form number on the page(and suddenly I realized, my name was not on net but i just had the hard copy), but than someone advised me to check the front page(which i missed in a hurry..) and there i signed against my form number.
We entered the college...Parents were directed to the other side... And students towards the seminar hall.
I reached the seminar hall and entered confidently. I knew i was looking smart. :)
I occupied my seat..whereas round i could see many students who were present there to give me competition..!
I went to the washroom twice..And checked the mirror with smile and looked more confident and nice.. BUT these butterflies were disturbing me every now and than.
Suddenly, many final year students gathered in the hall to start the whole process.
I was a little shocked because there was no teacher present around but then presence of only students made me feel comfortable.
Opposite to my expectations, they started distributing sheets to us to write an essay.. And we were given a long topic.. (INDIA'S ANSWER TO OBAMA? WHO WILL BE THE OBAMA FOR INDIA,WHO WILL MARCH THE COUNTRY FORWARD)
We were given good 15 minutes, which were more than enough for me because i had nothing much to write.!
They gave us 10 minutes as break to have team or something and i could only think of loo :)
I was back and everyone else was too..
They started calling our names according to the group and panel number assigned to us.
They called a sardar first..i saw him..And a thought rushed into my mind .."He must be a good speaker. Who wont let anyone speak..God help his group mates.."
And suddenly i heard "RIKI!"
I though ohh! And smiled within..for being in the same group as him.
And we formed a group of 11 students. We all were passing smiles to each other, as if saying hi's and good luck'
and a girl in front of me asked ..'are you nervous?'..and i replied’ a bit'..she told me but i was really looking nervous!
We entered he room where a panel of two teachers was there to judge us.
We were given some important guidelines before starting a gd..and I can only remember " don’t let it become a fish market"
Our topic was "LIFE IS MIRROR"
someone started..Someone justified..i also entered the gd(with my hands shivering with nervousness) but i spoke okay..
Points were getting repeated..and i could think of no new dimension(which i realized at home..!)
The students who didn’t participated much in it, they were given extra opportunity..Like to conclude, summarize, add..etc.. so overall everyone spoke almost equally.
I was happy that sardar stud equal with all..
After 15 minutes..we were sent back to seminar hall..
While going upstairs, we all started talking..and asking "how was it..how was it".
No one was satisfied with the gd..but than no one could do anything.
In the seminar hall..seniors stared answering our queries..like placements, number of seats, fees, laptops, hostel, gym, beauty parlor!
and simultaneously, they were assigning group for pi.
A group having 5-6 students was sent for pi..and i was the part of this first group.(we were told, after pi gets over..we can return beck to our homes)
We went downstairs and waited outside the room.
to be continued..

A Third class poem..but i feel it sometimes..!!

2009-02-28T00:44:00.000-08:00

Aj ek fariste ka intezar kar rahi thi main..
jo aata aur mujhe aasman se bhi uncha lejata...
lejata in sab se door, jo khud ko insan samajhte hain..
khud se nafrat karvane per mujhe majboor karte hain..
pareshaniyan dete hain itni,aur zimmedar mujhe hi kahte hain..
gussa dilate hain mujhko,aur gussa na hone ki salah dete hain..
sapne bhi dekhte hain wo,per unhe pura karne ki nahi sochte..
sath to dete hain magar ehsaan jatana nahi bhoolte..
wo log jo girate hain,per uthana bhool jate hain..
duniya ko gyaan dete hain,per khud per aazmana nahi pate hain..
umar ke sath badhte hain,per bacche hi reh jate hain..
jo dukh itne dete hain ki hasana bhool jate hain..
jo khud to toot jate hain,mujhe bhi tod jate hain..
jo apno ko paraya karte hain,aur dard itna dete hain..
aise kese log hain ye,jo khud ko insan kahte hain..

na jane kb wo farishta ayega..jo door mujhe lejayega..
yaden khatam karke meri..swarg mujhe dikhayega..

When i was walking alone,i wished that i reach the end of the road. But when friends like you joined me, i wished the road never ends..

2009-01-15T10:42:00.000-08:00

I am on my way to reach a lovely destination. I am being optimistic about my life..This is due to the very fact that good people around me have got that trust in me. They have given me that great confidence and have made me think positive all the time. They have supported me like anything.

I dont know what the future holds..but i simply believe that it will be all good. I didnt get good results but still afew believe that i'll get what i want.

My MUMMA..who firmly believes that i'll get something really good and i feel too relaxed after talking to her..

My PA..who always encouraged me to do my best and leave the rest..

My BROTHER..who takes all my burden on himself and keeps me away from worries...i feel,he has made my life so easy and wonderful that i can proudly say that ' i have a big brother'..

RAHUL..whom i call my life..who was there with me..and i am sure he'll be with me throughout my life..i dont how he manages with me..and tolerate all sorts of behaviours i show..!someone who is so caring,supportive,who knows me better than anyone else..if it wasnt him..life would have turned so difficult...i feel i live because he is with me..my ultimate strength..

MAYANK..the gennie..a friend,a counseller,a robot(when i want him to just listen and not speak at all!),a guy who proved me that god exists in humans..and he is one of those(may be the only one)..someone who was always there in my good and the bad times(mostly bad!)..an amazing,its difficult to define the relation i share with him..someone who is always with me..

HITESH..who encouraged me..cracked jokes..made me laugh and smile everytime we talked..wonderfull friend..a cute kiddu..lovely..

SHIKHA..who was constantly in touch..the only friend since 11 years..and for the lifetime..her support and those lovely messages which always works for me..sometimes i feel as if we are twins..with almost same nature,same feelings..scorpions..!

HIMANSHU..huh..i miss you..someone, i know, will be there whenever i'll need him..someone who taught me how to face problems in life..someone who guided me how to handle unexpected troubles..'time can never mend careless whispers of a good friend..'someone who wrote for me..'kabhi kabhi riki zindagi me koi apna lagta hai..'

SRISHTI..great exmaple of someone who never quits..someone who was with me..since long..particulary when i thought of cat..someone really swett and simple..someone who showed how one can change his life..someone i call my friend..

PRIYANKA..a friend..a friend for life..who was with me whenever i needed her..someone who knows me all..i just love you...you mean a lot for me..and iyou know it..

ADESH..cute cute cute..he was always good to me..a great friend..who supported me since the time i know him..someone who with his relaxed and easy answers dissolves my queries and tensions..someone with whom i share a lovely bonding..different from others..

KALPANA..sweet and innocent..who told me how good i am.!who gave me that respect and love which i'll keep with me all my life..

ESHAN..a friend..who didnt change with time..his goodness is constant or say increasing since the day we became friends..someone who made me believe that i deserve the best..someone who cared for me..its always good talking to him..someone i feel proud of..

SAURAV..i never knew after college he and i would turn good friends..thankyou(i know i know..no sorry,no thankyou...but stiil..)..someone who with his sweet nature..makes me smile..someone who stayed chilled out and relaxed..don..!

PRASHANT..he is really good..amazing..i mean really great..thankyou.....

TARUN SIR..when i took this decision to drop and prepare for MBA..he was someone who showed me the positive light..at that point of time i really needed someone who could convince me..that i was going the right way..and he was the one..

These are the people who played that significant role in my life.. the people i am sure would be my friends for lifetime.. the friends i value the most.. the buddies who were there in hardest times of my life.. Though it is impossible for me to write and express how important these people are for me..but..it is better that i save rest of my emotions and feelings in my heart..

In this journey i met few others..whom i wish to be friends with..always.. AASTHA..cute,lovely..the only person i met who keeps happy all the time..touchwood! It is not that her life is all fun..but it is beacuse she knows how to turn life in happy mode.. GAURAV..wonderful human..he is good not only to me but as a person..someone simple,sweet...with genuine emotions..he has created that respect for him in me.. RAYAZ..someone sensitive,emotional,really nice..

MOHIT..it is really good talking to him..i'll remember all those wonderful conversations we had..

THANKYOU FRIENDS FOR EVERYTHING.. YOU ALL HAVE MADE ME STRONG AND YOU HAVE REALLY BECOME MY STRENGTH..

'mumma'

2008-12-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

This Earth was the same..sun was the same..life was moving ahead when i took a break..
i was pretty unsure about the future..i was fearing the every next day..and then i realized someone was with me..totally good..'pari'..mumma..
She talked to me,listened to me,encouraged me,loved me..
she was there when i needed her the most..her cherubic presence always made my day..
Having the breakfast together,reading the newspaper..
Everytime i used to ask her to talk to me,to sit with me..and she would leave all the work just to listen to me..
She was always there to hug me..and make me feel relaxed,to allay my pains..she made me smile everytime i was sad..
She trusted me..gave me whatever i asked for..she made me realize that i am beautiful..she gave me those beautiful tips 'do this do that'..
She ate those 'shapeless chapatis' made by me..and always encouraged me to do things in a better way..she beared with my irritating behaviour,always staying cool and calm..she always made be believe that i should work hard to get whatever i want..
She was purely honest and sweet..she accepted me as i am..she accepted my life beyond family..
She oiled my hairs and combed them whenever i felt like lazy..
She always cared for my pimply face..and kept suggesting 'how can i takecare of my health'
She has a beautiful heart and a pure soul..
While looking after us..she never thought of herself..
This is not enough of the writing..i am true fan of hers..
Just her smile and i feel like being at the top of the world..She is simply the best..yes, the best..mumma..
I wish i could be as good as she is..wish i could do something for her too..
I'll make sure that she is happy..

DONT MAKE ME CONFESS PALEEZZ..

2008-10-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

To Confess something is one of the hardest things to do..You feel like dead..pushed deep into the Earth where the mud is being thickly layered over you. It becomes really difficult.
You do a mistake,try escape from it,you lie about it and when caught(even if it is a small thing) and made to confess either with love or anger..you loose all your self respect at one go..specially when you need to confess in front of those who loves you,trusts you..who never expected that you would lie to them..

I have faced it once..it was a small thing ..and i lied for it and finally when the truth was about to be disclosed..i feared the whole thing..i went into my room..closed the door..covered myself with pillows and went under a heavy bed sheet! I felt like pushing my head deep into the bed..and i cried and cried..shouted aloud 'YES! I DID THIS'..they came and saw me with tears of guilt and said..' arey its okay..! not a big deal'..and i cried more with double guilt. I wish they showed some anger at least.. it was totally hard to feel..and it became much difficult.

When i remember this whole thing..I FEEL how can I make someone confess to me..even when i know the truth..those white lies..It is better to believe the lie and show as if i know nothing..I can not make them feel what i felt that day..i can not see them cry as i cried..i can not go on finding an evidence against them just make them confess..specially when i know i love them..

TO FORGIVE IS HUMAN,but,
TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS IS DIVINE..

WE CAN MAKE OUR LIFE EASIER WITH A LITTLE CHANGE IN OUR PERSPECTIVE :)

2008-10-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone thinks of changing the world

but no one thinks of changing himself.

It is not that i am all positive or not practical enough but it is just that i feel it is good to havemore than one view to look at things. Think of a three dimensional cube,we all know how to draw it but the one who look at it can see it in more than one way. In the same way if we look at small things in life in a positive way we can avoid small tensions. It is always good to be flexible. This certainly makes your life easier.
Here i am writing no new thing but a better view to the most common things we hear around.
A few of opinions ihave formed with my own experiences and the others,people around me made me realize that we can look at it in this way too.

1. IT OFTEN HAPPENS PEOPLE PROMISE US TO MEET ON A PARTICULAR DAY AND THEY FAIL TO DO SO AND THE WORST THING IS,THEY DON'T EVEN INFORM US.
we feel betrayed and we stop trusting that person. If we are very sensitive we feel really bad and most of the time keep it in our heart.
BUT if he or she is a friend,we can always think it in this way..' may he had a strong reason..and he didn't even informed..some really important thing must be there and we'll clarify it when we talk next'

2. WE OFTEN FEEL ALL PEOPLE AROUND ARE SELFISH , PARICULARY WHEN REACH AT HIGHER LEVELS IN LIFE( higher studies or jobs).
BUT all people can never be bad...how can God leave such a nice person like you surronded ny all bad people. If you are good,it becomes obvious few others will be good too..

3. WHEN A GOOD PHASE OF LIFE GETS OVER(such as a college life). IT IS GOOD TO MISS THOSE DAYS BUT ALWAYS HOPE FOR THE BETTER ONES. DONT GET HOOKED UP TO THOSE DAYS.
BUT do not cry because it is over but smile because it happened.

4.WHEN PEOPLE PART FROM EACH OTHER,THEY GET AN EGO. THAT WHO CALLS FIRST.YOU MISS OTHERS BUT YOU ALWAYS KEEP WAITNIG FOR THEIR CALL FIRST AND IF THEY DON'Y,YOU FEEL BAD.
BUT there should not be any ego guys. If you want to call,don't hesitate. Call the person. He may have that too..but you can always correct YOURSELF atleast!

5.PEOPLE OFTEN FEEL LIFE IS FULL OF PAINS(if not you..but i am sure you must have heard it many times from others)
BUT life is all about facing challenges not pains actually! Love life.

6.DO NOT BE FRIENDS WITH HIM/HER. YOU CANT TRUST HIM/HER.
BUT trust is always required if you get into any relation. You would not get hurt even if you put that trust willingly. Either trust him/her or never give name to that realtion( specially friends).
You can not say,he is a friend but i cant trust him.!

7.WHEN PEOPLE GET DEPRESSED AND SOUND SAD MOST OF THE TIMES,WE OFTEN FEEL 'YE TO AISA HI HAI..PARESHAN AATMA..NO USE TALKING TO HIM'
BUT if he is a friend..you can say that ways. you must know the reasond for his actions. Yoy cant leaving him saying 'ye to aisa hi hai'. Think after imagining yourself at his place and then you'll get better reasons. Instead of blaming him,you'll understand him and that makes feel good.

8.PEOPLE OFTEN FEEL LONELY.
BUT when you feel alone,you get an opportunity to know yourself, you get to spend time with yourself which is so difficult in the busy life.
MOREOVER you can never be alone..your close ones are always there. And when you feel their absence..come in light..look at your shadow..it is always their( avoid to stay in dark,when you feel low).

9. IT IS NOT ALWAYS THAT ONE THING IS RIGHT AND THE OTHER IS WRONG.
BUT the two or more than two things can be right too..we talk what we have experienced,others might have got a different experience.

hope these things could be of some help..you can share your personal experiences too..when you changed your perspective and started looking at things with a view better than others..

A PESSIMIST COMPLAINS ABOUT THE WIND;

AN OPTIMIST EXPECTS IT TO CHANGE;

THE REALIST ADJUSTS THE SAILS.

BREAKING NEWS

2008-10-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

When i heard the news about the blasts at the crowdy Sarojini market in 2005( it was my birthday, and i was busy in my own celebrations),i took it as 'just another breaking news'.
Probably i was not mature enough to feel the pain of those who suffered. The very next day..i heard "we are strong enough and it wouldn't bring any change in the life and spirit oof the city" and this statement in the news channels actually made me feel good..( i do not know why..may be because i felt proud to be a delhiite,strong and full of life..!!)
And then the blasts in other major cities ..Ahmedabad,Bangalore,Gujarat and then 2008..DELHI again..( i wrote it in capital letters because being a capital..the city deserves this atleast.)..in the CP(also known as the heart of the city). This news certainly left us blank..not only i,but everyone was so worried( anyone could be here..you,your relatives..anyone..the most common place for a hangout). We just prayed prayed and prayed..we called every known person..
THEY planted a bomb even in the central park..i mean how could they..here people come to enjoy peace..crowd is young..here most couples come to spend time together..many of them come here even without informing their families..what about them..blasts in the capital in the most crowdy places..AND THESE LOOSERS ACTUALLY FEEL PROUD OF IT AND TAKE THE RESPONSIBILTY THE VERY NEXT DAY..I MEAN WHY..!!??
People are already tensed in their lives.They already have enough of problems..natural calamities,diseases,accidents..(killing for revenge or something).We already have a lot many ways to die and now these BOMB BLASTS..from nowhere you get killed or loose a body part or get some mental affect.
Though city shows"we dont get affected through all this"..This may be true,but what about them who suffer actually..
When i thought THESE LOOSERS will take a break..i heard another BREAKING NEWS.."BLAST IN MEHARAULI"..I mean WHAT!!?? They just came on their bike,left a packet and ran..SUCH AN OPEN ACT OF CRIME and the little boy who touched that packet..we all know what happened to him..
Sometime before also these things were happnening,but now they occur on a daily basis. Either a bomb is discovered and diffused safely or people die for no reason.

TO CONVINCE A SMOKER, NOT TO SMOKE

TO CONVINCE A DRINKER, NOT TO DRINK

TO CONVINCE A NON-VEGETARIAN TO TURN VEGETARIAN

AND THE WORST..

TO CONVINCE A BOMBER NOT TO BLAST..

They have their own reasons to argue..and continue..

Few things have become impossible or life taking tasks..I AM HATING IT.

poor THEY who had an arrange marriage..(dowry based!!)

2008-09-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

The families meet ,

THEY are made to greet ,

THEY are asked to smile ,

stay fake for a while ,

to impress him or her,

gamble with eachother.

THEY are made to talk ,

or go for a short walk..

In worst cases, they can just sit and see ,

predict and wait for whats going to be..

THEY often talk little ,

and interrupted in middle.

The main issue arises..

the Dowry(an EVIL) thing sizes..

"what will you give

if the deal is fixed?"

The answer they get ,

ask for an extra VAT ;

something like car or furniture

or a bike and a television.

And the meeting gets over

and yes THEY still don't know each other.

They all get back to home,relax and think

from both the sides a survey begins..

"Are the families good enough"

"Is the guy earning well"

and the girl," is she pretty enough and a literate"

afterall who'll look after the kids..!

and the week gets over..

They get in touch again after thinking over

Decision is made

next month,the engagement is set;

the main issue comes again,"thoda len den ki baat karlen?"

and THOSE poor two

still wondering with whom they are getting married to..

the marriage date comes..and finally the marriage is done.

No time THEY got for bonding and understanding;

and above it the kids and their handling..!

THEY fight, THEY adjust, THEY live and laugh..

everything occurs BUT where is the love and understanding?

THEY just fullfill their duties pending..

THEIR poor kids see it all and think

why the hell their parents married..

Everyone stays happy and satisfied

EXCEPT the poor THEY who had an arrange marriage..

" PRATISHTHA , PARAMPARA , ZIDD AUR SAMMAN

LE LETA HAI EK PARIWAR KI JAAN"

A FEW THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY LIFE..

2008-09-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

What my life says..
•1.Never get dependent on anyone.
•2.Learn to say ‘NO’
•3.Never make anyone dependent on you.
•4.Never let your parents down , family stays with you forever.
•5.Don’t share everything with everyone.
•6.Try not to show your weaknesses to others and don’t sound so depressing to everyone.
•7.Trust others , as its needed when you enter in any relationship.
•8.Kabhi kabhi bhagwan per bhi chodna padta hai.
•9.Trust God , when no is around he is there.
•10.Never compromise till you are sure that you wont regret later.
•11.Believe that good days always return.
•12.Stay focused on your goal.
•13.Most of the times your attitude represents your personality , not you clothes.
•14.Learn to say ‘THANKS ‘ and ‘SORRY’.
•15.Respect your teachers , no matter what others do.
•16.Alwayz try to be there to help others but pay equal importance to your self.
•17.Keep your expectations as low as possible.
•18.Avoid wasting time.
•19.Have faith and confidence in yourself.
•20.Try to love and laugh with your self , so that you never feel lonely.
•21.When needed share problems with friends.
•22.Stay honest as much as possible , since its easy to remember truths rather than lies.
•23.Try to think positive as much as you can ., and don’t forget your good times ,This is how life goes.
•24.Never shout or fight in front of small kids.
•25.Though the world is said to be cruel , love people , they will turn good.
•26.Enjoy as much as you can , time never returns.
•27.Devide your life as personal and professional ,keep both apart.
•28.Never stop yourself for doing anything for anyone , until you are given a reason for it.

some relations which do not effect us..but certainly they exist..an example..

2008-09-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

My school days are over..i have completed my graduation..and i am still a student..A lot of things changed in my life..people around me..teachers..and alot more..what has not changed is..my source of commutation.!! NO,it's not a cab or bus..but i usually take rikshaw..and a lot of time i use the phrase 'meri adhi zindagi to rikshe per hi kat gayi'.
Earlier i always felt good avoiding crowdy buses and taking riksha..specially in monsoon with lovely winds blowing..and i just loved itbut then..daily..taking rikhshaw all the time became irritaing!
Anyway..my point here is not to describe my super journey on these three wheelers but how in this world we form some bonds unknowingly and probably most of us remain unaware of the strange bonding which is created as most of the time it stays ineffective..
We often forget their faces but they don't.
i am talking about rikshaws and rikshawala just to give an example..Following are a few remarks wich really surprised me and made me write this post...read on..
" Aap mere rikshe mein 6 mahine baad bethi ho"
"Apka school khatm hogaya"
"Pahle to aap isime jati thi"
"Aap kabhi is tarf se aati hain,kabhi us taraf se"
" idhar jaogi ya dusri taraf" and when i said idhar.."aap to udharse jati thi,subeh 8 baje"
I once asked one of them.."bhaiya chaloge?" he didn't reply.just smiled..and suddenly i realised..ye to wahi hai..and in his smile probaly he conveyed.."ye bhi koi puchne ki baat hai"
The funniest and a little embarassing thing happend when i asked rikshewale the way to recomform and get a shortcut to my home..he said "nahi bas yahi rasta hai..hum pahuncha denge"(he might have thought i was really new to the place)..though it wasn't far..but i was really tired to walk onfoot..and finally i reached where i ws heading to..and he said to others around.."bechari bhatak rahi thi,wo to hamne pahuncha diya!!" and i walked from there at my best speed..
i wrote this just to make a point..that though we have our own world..sometimes people around us make those bondings..which surely do not effect us...and are negligible..but the point is they exist..

To be yourself in a world which is constantly trying to make you somebody else is the biggest thing..be good.. :)

2008-08-29T00:44:00.001-07:00

Hmm..life is going too fast..and probably i am going too slow..for me relations are much more important than anything else..and i believe...we should make new relations only when we are able to handle old ones..otherwise problems arise..and it becomes difficult to fight troubles when human emotions are involved..Different people different things..everything tries to change one’s behaviour..and as I believe..to be yourself in a world which is constantly trying to make you somebody else is the biggest thing..people often change..i have seen them..who have turned strict, stiff ,who have forgot that once they had a great sense of humour..that they were full of life..but thanks to troubles around them..which remains constant and thus successful..They fight the troubles..fight themselves to overcome the problems..but finally they surrender.. its difficult to solve all the problems..and come out winning..and the easier way is to escape the troubles..but ..difficulties are not just ours..but our near and dear ones are involved..and that stops us to run away..(plus we don’t have enough money to escape!!)..

In my case..something similar happened..and it kept on repeating its self..(as if God thought i love it..!)..i am changing too..turning negative..fighting life..at one time I laugh like anything..as if I just needed a chance to get started with my never stopping smile..and other times I feel totally low.. and believe me..these extremes are killing me..As every other person even I want to live happily..fight things but at the end come out as a winner..but I fight fight and fight…get all my energy back..talk to different people..who can help me..suddenly..i feel as if I am on track again..only till the same problem rise again…and I am back on zero..even people with whom I share things get bored of listening the same things again and again..You know I love life..because its beautiful..i love the people around me..i love life..because it gives me different challenges and difficult situations..but when I get the same situation again again..i get bored of life..i feel..”NOT AGAIN”..(abhi to sab theek hua tha..)..

Huh..! I don’t want to change myself..i don’t want to get sick of the problem and get moulded according to it..i am a human not a clay with a different identity and uniqueness…oh god..help me not change..into a tough.strict..someone who have forgotten whats life is all about..

Want to be a winner in life..:)

SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO WONDERS..

2008-08-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

Whenever i am totally lost with myself and my pain,there is always someone or something to help me out,to give me an unexpected support and relief..that someone can be my closest pal,friends,my family..and if no one is around,God has to be there!It becomes very easy in life when we have problems but we also have someone to share things..but the most difficult time as when we feel lonely,neglecte and start looking for help..we find no one!Sometimes i ask myself how can i be alone when i have all the good people in my life but then if i observe a little closely,i find everyone is busy..if i can share it with him,why cant he share it with me..if i am asking for help,why cant someone give me a response i expect..if i find him as the only support.why he is unaware of it..and these qustions stop me to call anyone and i am left all alone..then i read my diary..all the positive things i wrote,i see all the msgs my friends sent..i start feeling better..though everyone cant be with us all the time..but their memories are always there with us..their words makes us feel loved..YES SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO WONDERS..a friend is not a word of formality and not everyone can be our friend..but its a special feeling..family and friends..an ultimate support..let them be busy..but trust me they are always there..come on..God cant leave us alone..there is always a gennie..

train and mah covered face..

2008-08-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

Dis is d 5th dy of mah chickenpox..

N m goin bk 2 home..

its a hott summer dy n m in train..

Magadh Express whch m sure is d slowest train evr made on dis planet..

M coverd wd a light cloth bt unfortunately its thick enuf 2 resist ma oxygen..!

Ys m feelin d heat..

every male arnd me s curious 2knw,y my face is coverd..

as if m hidin diamonds.

its a 4hr jrny..n as i sed..ds slowest train wud probably tk ma liftime..

Ppl takin rubbish..thos strnge train discussions..

bt yeah ds sounds btr dan feel d silence..

A cute child s playin here..n makin an irritatin noise..

he s succesful,my momjz lukd at him..!

ds may b d 1st litle child continuously sayin 'pappa' n ignrin his lovin mom..

Ds cloth s irritatin me again..

N guess wat..des job less ppl r wonderin wt m typin in my cell phone..!!

N d next station is ghaziabd..only IF no new stations a created by ds EXPRESSO..!

M waitn 2 entr ghaziabad..atlst i wud b able 2 msg mah frnz n complain abt ds SUPER DUPER SWIFT....huh.....

m diseased..

2008-08-29T00:34:00.000-07:00

yes, m diseased.

.im on bed n ma routine is ceased..

i thot dey r jz d pimples..

but dy wr nt d juz dey bt..

yes i had chickenpox..

wen i heard d term,oh mah god..chickenpox..!

i wasnt at home..no dad no mom..

jz mami n sis..wt wl b dun..

wts dis..

i felt helpless n strted cryin..

n mami mami sed..u r lik our own child..

i cried mre bt flt btr.

.strted feelin dt m nt alone evry1 s dre..

N dys pasd on a half bed..

i ws turnd ugly n red..

!my nani brot neem fr me..

i used 2 smell it feel d tree..WAH NEEM!!

Oooh m nt gvn cold watr..in ds hott summer..

m nt alowd 2 feel d breez..on d top above..

N guess wt..cnt evn bath..

ds ws mah three dys path..

my mom is bk n i wana leav 2mrw..

bt how wd ds face..it wud tk atlst a wk or mre..oh......